What I Learned in Africa and My Two Weeks as a Human Impala

Today is our last day on safari in Botswana and tomorrow we will take four flights (including one puddle jumper) to return to the United States about 24 hours later. Before and during this trip, so many people have said that a trip to Africa is a trip of a lifetime and after 16 days of traveling, that is an understatement.   We have all learned so much and I thought I would just highlight some of the things we learned while visiting this magical part of the world:

-Beyond black and white stripes, zebras also have light brown stripes towards the backs of their bodies called, “shadow stripes.”  They also have a lot of gas;

-Crocodiles can survive one year without eating;

-Elephants can live between 80 and 100 years old and use their ears to cool off their bodies;

-New palm trees can grow from the dung of elephants who eat the fruit from those trees;

-The dung from all herbivores (elephants, buffalo, giraffes, etc.) contain no bacteria and is often used for medicinal purposes for humans (or so we were told—we didn’t test this fact ourselves);

-Female lions are better hunters than male lions;

-Wart hogs (aka “Pumba” from “the Lion King”) live in abandoned termite hills to protect them at night from predators; and

-If you are learning to pee in the African Bush, it is best to know which way the wind is blowing (This I learned first-hand).

It may sound like I now know enough to apply for a job at The National Geographic Channel, but if I was not already retired, I think I would have stuck with my day job.  While I have loved every minute of being here, I have realized that my personality is much like the most prevalent animal we have seen, the Impala.  This beautiful medium-sized African antelope has curved horns and light stripes and are everywhere.  The problem with these beautiful creatures is that nearly every meat-eating animal is their predator.  Their backs have dark brown hair that looks like an “M” and are often called “McDonald’s” because they are such a “fast meal.”  They are quick but not quick enough. As a consequence, they can only be described as “skittish.” If anything comes near them they usually run like hell—and frankly, with a nickname like that, who can blame them? 

That is why I have frequently felt like an impala these last few weeks.  I don’t care how many times a guide has told us that there was no need to worry if a lion, leopard or elephant approached our open jeep because they were not going to harm us (If all our limbs remained in the jeep, of course), I was always ready to bolt like the impalas. I kept thinking that there must be one crazy cheetah cat just itching to jump from their perch in a tree and try us out. Yesterday, I thought I had a toothache but came to realize that the pain was from gritting my teeth every time I got in the jeep! 

It is admirable (while reading from the guide books) that all of the reserves we visited were proud that their camps assimilated themselves into the environment.  Upon arriving at each of the reserves, all their assimilation added to my nervousness.  For example, each of the camps required that we be escorted back to our rooms because we might meet up with a wild animal along the way. (Two  nights ago,  Bob and I “met up” with a hyena). In the camp we are currently at, we were told to always lock our doors because the monkeys like to come in and wreak havoc. During our orientation, we were shown how to work each room’s walkie-talkies and how to blow the emergency horn in case we had an issue with one of the animals in the middle of the night.  The first night, I wanted to sleep with the horn under my pillow…just in case.  Fortunately, we have yet to use either emergency communicating tool—-but we still have one night to go.  My skittishness continues to the bitter end.

The irony is that with all my angst, I would come back in a heartbeat.  The African countries we visited are overflowing with natural beauty that can only be outmatched by the kindness of their people.  Each and every person we met along the way loved their particular country and wanted us to love them too.  As I finish this blog watching three zebras graze outside our window (they are herbivores and not interested in impalas—thank God!) I can honestly say, that their goal was met: We all absolutely loved Africa.