Air Travel: It’s Every Man (Woman) for Himself!

 As I continue to age, I am realizing that air travel is not for the faint of heart. No question, this is a young man’s (or woman’s) game.  Nearly 40 years ago, I remember on our honeymoon flight to Europe, wearing a lovely skirt and blouse set, coordinating heels and carrying on a toiletry bag that matched our checked bags.  This was all before my skin had yet to really age, and now, I can’t for the life of me remember what I needed or included in that cute little case.   The whole experience seemed so civilized. 

Now, I’m wearing comfortable jeans, a scarf, regardless of the weather because of the varying airplane temperatures, running shoes for my inevitable sprint from one gate to the other for my connecting flight, and of course, carrying all my bags on the plane with me because standing near those luggage carousels waiting anxiously for my bags at the end of a long journey is often too much for me to handle.  

This morning was no exception.  Even though I retired at the end of last year, I was asked to come to Sacramento, California to sit on a panel and discuss some of the work I did prior to my retirement.  It all seemed fine until, while driving to the airport, I received my first notice from United Airlines that my flight to Denver, the first leg of my journey, was delayed.   Thankfully, I was in the car’s passenger seat and armed with the new arrival time, began calculating how much time I would have to get off the first plane and get to the gate for my flight to Sacramento.  I immediately saw that it was cutting it close. I then checked other flights today from Denver to Sacramento and the distance between my arrival gate and the Sacramento gate.  Needless to say, my phone was buzzing. 

And then I had to go through security.  The good news was that the line wasn’t too long.  The bad news was that I had to deal with TSA’s version of Attila the Hun.  Even though I fly a fair amount, I have never been able to get past worrying that someone was going to steal my belongings off the conveyor belt while “my person” was being checked over.  I have never lost anything, but that has never stopped me from being irrational.  After going through the scanner, I was told to wait to be “wanded.” Unfortunately, I didn’t hear Attila say this and got yelled at for trying to: 1. Get  by him; and 2. Look over his shoulder for my bins of “stuff.” He was clearly not going to put up with any of my anxieties.  Fortunately, I had to be wanded by a woman agent. I then heard Attila tell her to check my legs.  That’s when I remembered my knee brace.

I have been wearing a cloth knee support that I bought from Dr. Amazon for a few months to help me minimize the pain in my right knee.  In my defense, I have seen a doctor (two weeks ago) and even had an MRI (last week).  I would like to say that I knew what the problem was, but I have yet to hear from the doctor’s office and I can’t remember how to get into the hospital portal to look for myself. So I just assume I tore my meniscus.  

And that’s what I told the female TSA agent, after I grabbed the brace below my knee and pulled it off, clearly showing her that I was no middle-aged drug mule taping things to my leg.  After she told me I was ok to go, I ran to get my things off the conveyor belt and thanked my lucky stars that I had worn my comfy jeans (aka baggy) and not my skinny jeans, because I might have had to drop my pants to show her I wasn’t carrying any contraband on my person!

We are on the flight now and I am sitting next to a lovely mother and son who too, are headed to Sacramento.  After talking for a few minutes, I have assessed whether or not they would be on their “A” game to make the next flight in the shortened time.The mom told me she hadn’t flown in 16 years, so I question whether she is up to the challenge, and that’s without knowing what kind of shoes she’s wearing for our inevitable sprint to the new gate. Fortunately, I’m in the aisle seat, because when it comes to air travel, regardless of your age, it’s every man (woman) for himself.  

Lastly, and in the interest of full disclosure, I think I should mention that while our honeymoon flight was civilized, our luggage was lost 1 1/2 days.  It’s a good thing I had all those toiletries on my person.

Travel Update: The young man, his mother and I made it to the next plane right before the doors were closed.  Seeing this unlikely trio running like hell through the Denver Airport must have been some sight for the people we sped by.  It was clear that our three pairs of sneakers saved the day and showed that even  in the midst of middle age, the mom and I still had it!